Picking it back up… Maybe.

So remember how I said I might start making a game like… almost exactly a year ago? I might start picking it back up again. Except this time.. NOT with GameMaker it seemed too… UI intensive and… foreign. 

Gonna try and accomplish it by using what I know best: Flash, with a twist of ActionScript (FINALLY) !! I’ve been meaning to learn ActionScript since high school. The concept doesn’t seem so intimidating now that I program for a living. I’ve gone through some tutorials and it seems pretty straight forward (: Now to get my environment set up… debating on whether or not I should develop on my clunky old Windows laptop or this 2011 Mac… hmmm. But Macromedia is only for Windows…

I got the idea when I was thinking about this Tamagachi game that I made using Processing.js last year.

My train of though was…

"I should make a game… but I need a good story line to drive my motivation… I already have a storyline that I thought up of last year… do I still want to make that? It seems pretty simple, it might be a good place to start. I made that Tamagachi game with ProcessingJS. I should probably just make a really dumbed down version of it without the neat sprites. Make it easier for myself. But how do I do collision detection in ProcessingJS? I remember ActionScript having something like that… Maybe I should learn ActionScript. It seemed pretty straight forward when I watched John make that Ghost game. Let me see what I can find on Youtube."

And that’s how I spend two of my nights. Watching Youtube tutorials on ActionScript.

Tags: productivity

Accomplishments

There’s nothing like hearing about your accomplishments from someone else. I was walking with Dacia the other day and I somehow blurted my age to her. She was very surprised. Says I’m doing really well for being only 23. I knew I was trying my best to be productive but hearing it from someone else just makes me feel that much better about myself. Cheers!

I am…
- 23 years old
- working full time as an Associate Software Engineer
- fully independent/self-sufficient
- taking night classes (trying to pursue a degree in Art)
- living in an apartment away from home
- fit and healthy
- participating in monthly volunteer events

Keep up the good work!

Game Over </3

Your smile is burned into the back of my mind and I can’t help but smile when I think about it from time to time. Your charm leaves me cursing at the wind in both excitement and frustration. What am I going to do with you.

Distractions

None of it is real. My happiness is not real. It’s all been one big distraction from this realization. They were just temporary escapes. A good book. A good laugh. Good food with good company. I do all of these to escape my true thoughts and feelings. By the end of the day I’m still as empty as a shell.

I’m so very tired…

Scarcity complex?

I think about you so often now… why? Why now? I’ve gone so long without lingering my thoughts on you for too long. Everything was fine. Why is it that after I learned that you’ve moved on that I want to reach out to you? I find myself searching for your face whenever I am near or on campus, at a restaurant that we’ve been to, or at a grocery store buying produce. It’s gotten to the point where it’s almost distracting that I’d have my eyes more on the people on the side walk or people crossing the streets than the road in front of me. I find myself typing your name into the search bar every now and then, trying to pick up any information about you and your life without me. What is it like? Are you happy? Are you completely over me? If so, why haven’t you tried to stay friends with me? Maybe it’s because you’re over me that the idea of being friends doesn’t even matter anymore. I don’t get it… what’s wrong with me? I’ve reread our emails a handful of times now. I just reread our Dropbox notes, I’ve reread your log entries. Everything seemed so… bright despite our problems. Maybe that’s why I called it Entry Log of Happiness. Maybe you brushed it up to make it seem brighter than it originally was. Maybe it’s because I’m in a moment of weakness that the blog sounded so bright, that the time we’ve spent together sounded amazing.

I am so selfish. I want your attention when I know you’ve given it to someone else and I push you away when you wanted it most. 

What’s she like to you? Does she treat you well? Is she a far better girlfriend than I ever was? Does she listen to all your problems patiently? Something that I wasn’t able to do. Are you two happy? Is SHE happy? Are the both of you happy together? What do you do on your spare time now? I hear you got a job of Tesla, I’m so envious. I am also proud of you for finally leaving that hell hole that’s been a major dead weight on your life for so long. I was convinced that you’d never leave. I’m happy for you. I’m proud of you. Also jealous of you. Seems like everything is turning up meanwhile I’m struggling to find a safe haven from work, struggling to find a place I truly belong. I haven’t quite found it yet but.. maybe wish me luck? I want to find the confidence within me to be comfortable in my own skin, in my own body. I wish I was strong enough to be as open as you and to be able to put myself out there despite the fact that I might be judged. I am trying.. How are you..? 

Moment of weakness

Over taken by loneliness once again…
Why can’t I be okay with being single?

Someone I look up to

Jefferson is such a passionate guy. It’s the way his eyes light up when he talks. The way he talks about stuff that he’s done, the games that he’s played, the things that he’s learned, the movies that he’s seen. He always speaks with so much passion that I can’t help but be intrigued by him. Sometimes I like to watch him when he has that spark in his eyes talking about something that he’s fascinated about. He is definitely someone that’s well acquainted with what life has to offer. Don’t let that fire burn out! I’ve always really admired that about you.

First Day of Class at De Anza

Today was my first day of class at De Anza. As soon as I stepped out of my car I was quickly taken-a-back by the energy and liveliness. I guess I had forgotten what it was like to be amongst the hustle and bustle of students. People chattering and laughing, groups practicing their dance moves under the shade, individuals leisurely reading, others waiting at bus stops. The campus was definitely still very much alive even at 6:30pm. Maybe it’s because of the De Anza is more densely populated than San Jose State, or maybe it’s because the side of campus that I live on is completely blocked by construction I observe little to no foot traffic.. but I feel more excited to be at De Anza! Ultimately, I think it’s just because De Anza is still fresh. Another thing to note is the shear amount of Asians. Everywhere I looked were Asians! And not the American kind too! They were all well dressed and pretty fashionable. Kinda made me a little self conscious about the crap that I was wearing. No one was wearing slippers and sweat pants. Seems like people have a little more class here. Everyone is so friendly and open. I think people in class were genuinely enjoying the first half hour of class. Maybe I feel this way because I was happy to be in class so I thought everyone else must have been feeling the same way too… I was so excited that my heart felt like it was trying to leap out at some moments.

A thing about community colleges… All sorts of people go to community college so nothing is surprising.. at least that’s what I learned today. There’s a handful of others that actually graduated from college like myself and wished to pursue other interests. This surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for hiding my hard earned bachelor’s degree.

My thoughts are kind of disconnected right now but I just wanted to jot down everything before I forget.

There were some points in class where I couldn’t help but laugh at how incredibly ridiculous the situation was.

1. I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. I need to buy art supplies… I can’t wrap my head around it! I HAVE TO BUY ART SUPPLIES BECAUSE I AM AN ART MAJOR! WHAT!? Shit’s getting serious. I couldn’t believe it.

2. I was amazed by how anal the professor was about our sketch books, about the little details, and how annoyed she was by them, in my head, I thought it was stupid and a waste of money. I laughed because it was ridiculous!

3. Homework shocked me. I don’t know why it shocked me. This is class! OF COURSE THERE’S GOING TO BE HOMEWORK! People are serious about this! A thought that crossed my mind. “They’re serious! They’re seriously going to make me do this!”

PS: there’s a cute girl in class with really cool hair.

Bullshit. All talk and no action. I’m glad I didn’t end up with you.