Changes are in full motion! Starting the year off with big changes once again. Let’s see.. let’s do a recap shall we? What? You already know what happened in the past 3 months cause you’ve been reading older posts? Well, it doesn’t matter cause I need to do a recap for myself! LOL.
So what’s happened? I got a monthly pass for Caltrain and started biking to work. I made a subscription to Bally fitness club and started attending Body Pump classes. I worked my tail off the week before Ariba Live. It was a success! Went on soon to be three snow trips this season. (Third one’s coming up this Friday). Found out that my ex will be starting work at Tesla.. oh did I mention she also got a new girlfriend? Went through a boring roller coaster of emotions. Looks like things are looking bright for her. Such stability. I want that. Yep… that sounds about right. So where are we right now?
Joanne is graduating soon and we are in the process of looking for a new place. It’s going to be major different without Joanne in the picture. Somehow it feels lonelier without her. I don’t know what to expect out of my living situation but I hope things goes smoothly. So far the forecast looks like a lot of researching, emailing, calling, moving, packing, unpacking, cleaning, and more cleaning. Whew… not looking forward to this.
I applied to De Anza College and decided to attempt to take up an A.A. degree in Interactive Design. It’ll be fun being a part of the Graphic Design department! Honestly, I think it might have been one of the possible majors that I would’ve picked if mom hadn’t shun me away from Art. Anyways, class starts in April and I’m pretty psyched! (: I can’t wait to be in school again! Gosh I miss it! I can’t wait to be sitting in class… around PEOPLE! STUDENTS! That are around my age! DOING ART! Maybe I might even meet someone. Art majors are fascinating people. They see the world from a completely different lens. I am excited to meet and befriend them! But them again… usually when I get psyched over social interactions, things hardly ever turn out as expected. What might really happen is that the professor will drone on, lecturing the entire class period and there will be little to no interactions allowed among us students. OR the other scenario is that everyone already have their own groups and clicks and I’ll be the loner outcast that doesn’t belong anywhere… which is a feeling I am familiar with. I hope it’s neither.
I am telling myself to join the LGBT community at De Anza and to just put myself out there. I won’t know anyone there and no one will know who I am. What do I have to lose? Easier said than done… Whether or not I’ll actually let myself go to these events when the time comes is the better question. I might need some mental preparation. I think what’s even harder is going to these events alone. It’s almost equivalent to being put under a microscope and having someone examine every inch of my body. Exposed. Vulnerable.
Society has taught me to judge people who are like me. It taught me that being gay is not okay so I’ve concealed any traits that might possibly give me away for many years. The idea of letting it go is so frightening because this is a secret I’ve held on to so tightly my whole life. The unknown scares me. What will happen? Surely good things and bad things. Which will out weigh the other? I don’t know. But this is a step that I have to take. I think it’s wiser to do it sooner than later.
On a side note, I think I really enjoy working under my boss. Random right? I never really understood what it was like to have a good boss but I understand now. He’s authoritative, yet flexible and understanding. He does a good job distributing tasks to us as a team. He knows our strength and weakness and assigns work accordingly. Usually I get really flustered when Clayton gives me tasks because usually, they’re more complex for me to grasp quickly and I get stressed out because I’ve spent the whole day trying to understand but I don’t so I feel confused and useless. My boss exudes intelligence, authoritative power, and control, definitely not someone you want your bad side which I prefer. I like knowing that I can’t get away with things, that way I don’t slack off. Besides the authoritative figure, he has a very personable side. He understands that we have personal needs and allows us to tend to them. It’s nice (: